I recently read a blog post about a mom who admitted to yelling at her kids out of frustration and to get their attention. As I read this post, I was totally convicted of the way I treat my sons, especially my two year old. I then started listening to the way I interact with them on a daily basis. If they do something I don’t like, I yell or at least raise my voice. If the older one decides not to take a nap, I raise my voice and try to intimidate him into staying in his bed during nap time. If they make a huge mess in the room I have just cleaned and put all of the toys back into their “proper” place, I raise my voice and threaten with no snacks, no more playing, etc. This isn’t how I envisioned myself as a mom!
At church on Sunday, the pastor also talked about parenting and I had to take a look at myself. What I saw wasn’t what I wanted to see. Instead of disciplining my sons in love, I was usually angry and sinning in the process. Parents are given the job of teaching their children to obey and honor (Eph. 6:1-3). They learn this through how we treat our spouse and other people.
I often find myself telling others, “he’s only two and a half” or “he’s just a little boy”, but behind closed doors, those fly out the window and I expect them to follow the rules and honor their parents. What training have I done with them? Do I exasperate them (Eph. 6:4)? Do I bring them up in the instruction of the Lord? What am I passing on to my children?
So now, what do I do with these two parenting tidbits I have been given? I will spend more time playing with my boys and reading to them instead of telling them just one more minute while I'm on the computer. I will love them as I discipline them which might mean a little time out for both of us before being disciplined. I will pray that God will help me with the correct type of discipline and will help us as we raise our children in His love. I will not try to scare the boys into doing the right thing by yelling at them, but will calmly tell them that I love them but their attitude/actions have to change. I will remember that they are not perfect and neither am I. We will all slip up, but I will remember that God gave us these precious children for a short time!
The pastor said the best parenting book he has ever read was Shepherding a Child’s Heart. Have you read this or do you recommend other discipline and parenting books?
Kama is a SAHM to 2 very active boys--almost 3 and 1 1/2. Kama enjoys sewing and quilting in her "free" time (a.k.a. nap time). She also LOVES finding a good deal, freebies and couponing.
The biggest take-away I had with SACH was that there is a deeper issue with disobedience/discipline. Instead of just correcting the behavior, I am now trying to figure out the why behind what she is doing--getting to the heart issue and figuring out what we need to do to help her change to have a heart that pleases God.
ReplyDeleteParenting is NOT EASY! And I have learned over the years that it requires selflessness. I am still learning each and every day I have to say no to myself and yes to my kids! It is amazing how great we all feel when I do!
I have been really thankful for that book and the insight it gave me. I agree with K - it is so good to look at the deeper issue. To not just write off the kids as "going through a phase" or excuse their bad behavior, but to instead understand that there is a real sin issue involved that needs addressing.
ReplyDeleteKama - I am positive that every mom can say they are not the mom they thought they would be. It is so easy to dream up images in our minds during that first pregnancy of how great we will do, but then baby arrives, and real life kicks in. I have more times than I can count where I have had to constantly apologize to my children for not responding to them in a God-pleasing way. Raising my voice, or getting frustrated when I shouldn't. I am thankful that not only my kids, but God forgives me when I mess up big time!!
My son is only 18 months old, so I haven't fallen full-force into disciplining yet, although it has definitely started. My church recommended Shepherding a Child's Heart, also, along with Parenting by the Book. There is also Don't Make Me Count to Three (recommended by a blogger friend) and 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 (given to me by a friend's mother). The only one I've read so far is half of Parenting by the Book, but I've appreciated what it's said so far.
ReplyDeleteMy mother was a yeller, and while growing up I always said that I would do my best to not be that way. She fully admits (and even admitted back then) that she screams much more than she should and that it's something she hates about her parenting. I know it will be a struggle for me to resist yelling, as it's what was taught to me, but by leaning on God I hope to break the cycle at least somewhat.
God will help you out, just keep leaning on Him. :) And remember that none of us is or can possibly be a perfect parent, so don't kill yourself with guilt when you mess up. Give it to Him, accept His grace and forgiveness, and know that He will fill in where you've fallen short.
I'm familiar with that book and several others mentioned in the comments. My issue with "Shepherding" is the reliance and insistence on spanking.
ReplyDeleteMy last post was about my favorite parenting book which is "Grace Based Parenting" by Dr. Tim Kimmel.
http://www.zehlahlum.com/2011/08/grace-based-parenting.html
Oh goodness, if I could count the different times I wished I could erase something in the parenting lines. Even now it's not fully in place, but what I try to let lead is grace and mercy. Discipline is a must, especially with this little one coming up, for safety's sake if nothing else, but grace and mercy will usually not lead me wrong. It's all a fine balance, no?
ReplyDelete