Organic Mentoring

I spent five years in seminary focusing on women's studies. You want to know the secret to a strong, successful, sanctifying women's ministry? It's actually simple. Tucked away in the short book of Titus, Paul gives instructions on "women's ministry" - "Older women likewise, are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled" (ESV).


Women investing in younger women- it's not just a program, it's a command in Scripture. So why do we struggle to obey? Churches spend hours creating mentoring ministries to help women do something that should be so simple. I know because my church has been spending hours in the last year recruiting, pairing, and encouraging what we call Heart to Heart mentoring pairs. What makes successful mentoring partnerships? It's what I call "organic mentoring."

Organic mentoring is just what the name implies- mentoring that is natural. Women naturally become friends. The "younger" woman begins to ask questions. The "older" woman finds more and more to share. Naturally, organically, they find themselves covering all the topics Paul lists in Titus 2:3-5. For example, yesterday after church I was talking to a couple who are getting married this summer. I mentioned that I had started shopping once every two weeks for groceries instead of every week in an effort to save money. She said, "Oh, I hope I can do that too! I want to plan menus and cook ahead and try new recipes!" From that very  natural conversation I now have the opportunity to "mentor" her. Next time I'm menu planning, coupon cutting, and grocery shopping I'll see if she wants to come over and see what works for me! Organic mentoring is just that easy.

If it's so easy, why isn't it working in so many churches?

First, we are primarily around people our own age and life stage. What Sunday School class or small group do you attend? I would guess most of you would answer the young married class (or a variation like married with children or newlyweds). For organic mentoring we need women at different life stages interacting with one another.

Second, the "older" women lack confidence. When talking to the "older" women of our church I heard over and over again, "I don't know enough to mentor!" Susan Hunt writes, “If you are a Christian woman who is seeking to grow in the faith and to live obediently, then you are qualified for spiritual motherhood. No theological expert. No super saint. Just a woman willing to be obedient to the command to mother” (pgs 48-49 of Spiritual Mothering). The older women need to know they have experience and knowledge that young women need!

Third, we think it would take too much time, or would be too formal. Who has time to take on another responsibility? Not many of us! But organic mentoring isn't another thing on your to-do list. It is very natural. In fact, the primary objective is to be natural. I invite a new mom over to see how I love my boys (even in moments they are hard to love!). I invite her over even when the kitchen is messy and ask if she will dry while I wash dishes. For generations this is how women spent time together!

How do I start?

• Seek out older women. I've tried to be very intentional about this since we've been at our church for the last couple years. There's a woman in her seventies who helps me teach my ladies Sunday School class. She helps because I asked her to help! I have a friend in her fifties who I call for recipe advice. I have another "older" woman I call for gardening advice. The point is, I find out what a woman is good at or passionate about and I ask a lot of questions! Ask for advice and relationships will begin naturally.
• Seek out younger women. Pray about opportunities to meet and connect with younger women and God will provide. He wants you to obey the command to "teach younger women..." Is there a newlywed you know because she teaches your son's Sunday School class? Do you know a girl in the college ministry because she has the same major you had? Talk to her! Chances are, she wants to get to know you too. Let the relationship develop organically!

As we quoted yesterday to kick off this week, "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing" (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Mentoring is an important part of life as a Christian, and it is how God designed "women's ministry!"

What are your experiences with mentoring partners? Any more advice for those who are seeking organic relationships with older or younger women?

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