God's vision was bigger than mine

I've always known that God had called me to do something.

The question was... what is that "something?"


When I was in high school I had the privilege of going on two week-long missions trips to Haiti and probably 6-8 more short trips to Mexico (we lived in Texas at the time - international missions trips could be a weekend jaunt!).  My heart broke for the desperately poor, the orphans, the forgotten ones.  I thought I was called to missions.  I was willing to go!  I still am - but that is not where God is taking me at this point in my life.

My junior and senior year I was in a public school for the first time in my life.  I loved the friends God brought me into contact with.  My heart was heavy for them.  I thought God was calling me to teach in a public school.  I was willing to go!  ...and then I wrestled with the fact that I absolutely hated being an education major in college.  I kept pushing on for two years, convinced that this was what God had for me.  Until my future husband asked me a question that changed my life, "but what do you really want to do?  What are you passionate about?"

Answer: Bible curriculum!  I sat and talked to NP for probably over an hour about how I would love to write a Bible curriculum.  A good one that teaches the larger narrative of Scripture and then fits the smaller "bits and pieces" into the overall picture.  I went back to college and changed my major to Bible with an emphasis in Christian education.  I was convinced I was called to write a Bible curriculum - the good kind that is hard to find.

I got married.  I taught Bible in a Christian school.  I languished.  I, indeed, did not like the curriculum options I had.  I wrestled with politics within private schools, and also within the church.  I was frustrated, spent, burned out.  When my husband's educational journey brought us to another state, I refused to even consider teaching again.  So, with my Bible major and minors in math and chemistry, I went to work in offices with long-term temp positions. What am I supposed to be doing, Lord?

During those years I poured myself into relationships with some unsaved work friends I came to deeply love.  I started attending women's Bible studies at our church.  It felt like a holding pattern.  What am I supposed to be doing, Lord?


I stopped working and became a full-time homemaker when AG was born.  I loved it.  I learned, like Sandra shared, that there is a special calling in motherhood that is of profound worth in the sight of God.  But still the question... What am I supposed to be doing, Lord? 

I was asked to facilitate a women's Bible study at church.  A dream formed in my heart - Bible studies for women that teach them the big picture of Scripture... the curriculum I talked about years ago, but for women.  It started to come together.  My professor from college gave me permission to build a series of Bible studies based on notes and lectures from his class.


After leading these studies and seeing others catch the vision for what had changed my own life - understanding the "big picture" of Scripture and how those bits and pieces fit together into God's grand metanarrative- I wondered about blogging through it.  An online reference of notes for my Bible study girls.  A friend gave me the push I needed to start blogging.

In the meantime, we had decided to homeschool our children - something I had vowed I would never do.  However, it is something that is much less intimidating with two years of education classes (albeit hated) and minors in math and science.


I don't see how all the pieces fit together yet - but I'm starting to get a glimmer.  God does know the plans He has for us.  They are usually different from our own.  They are usually much bigger.  Maybe not flashier, but bigger.  My definition of ministry was too small - it was bound by titles, professions, education.  God's definition of ministry included all of those times when I thought I was in a holding pattern.  When I wondered how I would ever arrive at "the" ministry He had for me.

His definition of ministry included waiting on Him and growing in faith as I waited.  It included loving those He placed around me and sharing Truth with them as we went through life together.  It included things I later thought were a waste of time.

So, what do I do in ministry?

I'm a wife.  I'm a mother.  I'm a friend.

I am a teacher to my children, to other women within my church and in my home, and to hundreds known to me only as a screen name and a tiny profile picture.

I even have the opportunity to shine a light on issues like human trafficking and practical ministry to the homeless - my heart still breaks for the forgotten ones.

I watch stats from the pages of my blog and marvel as I see hits from all over the world.  I am a missionary of sorts from my living room.

It might not have a clear-cut label, but God has surrounded me with opportunities to minister.  His vision was bigger than mine.

Feel like you're in a holding pattern?  Keep trusting, listening, obeying, loving Him and those He places around you as you go through your life.  Be willing to go and ready to respond to His call.  He has a picture in mind - He doesn't waste anything.

Only because of Him,
Kristi

**Please note that the links to my site are not working today - I'm in the process of moving from blogger to wordpress, and hopefully it will be back up and running this weekend!  I apologize for the timing! :)

P.S. Have you entered to win the Busy Mom's Bible? Click HERE to enter!

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