Making Home a Haven

When we were newlyweds, I found myself frustrated about how to love my husband.  I knew that he was an "acts of service" person, but my ideas of what that meant didn't seem to match up to NP's. Among other non-realistic things, I dreamed of waking up and making him lovely breakfasts; I found it highly offensive when I discovered that he only wanted cereal!  [Cereal, to my husband, should be its own food group.] 

After almost eight years of marriage, I know my husband better.  I know God's Word better.  I have a much clearer framework for what Biblical womanhood looks like, beyond a simple reading of Ephesians 5.  And I have found that loving my husband is relatively straightforward once I have embraced who God made me to be and what He has called me to do.

The most effective ways I have of showing my husband love are embracing my role as his helper in all aspects of life, and by embracing my work of being a home-maker.

You see, unlike my newlywed dream of carrying a tray of homemade pancakes to my husband in bed, my husband feels loved when I am aware of his needs, and with a respectful servant-heart (not a controlling or belittling one!) naturally care for him and help him.  I can practically love him when I strive to make our home a haven for him - a place where he is embraced, listened to, cared for, respected, and at times forgiven.  [Lo and behold, this does not include whining that he doesn't want my homemade breakfast!!]

So, what does this look like on a practical level?

My dear hubby is admittedly a little OCD very organized and deliberate.  Part of loving him means anticipating his needs and wants.  He hates to run out of things, whether it's toothpaste, decaf coffee, or clean undershirts.  [He actually commented a few years ago that he loves to open the drawer in the bathroom and see extra unopened tubes of toothpaste!]  Sometimes loving him is as simple as looking in his drawers before I decide what laundry to do that day or what I need to stock up on at the grocery store.

Another aspect of making our home a haven for him is being aware of how he is greeted at the end of each day.  NP works several nights a week, so I've tried to make the evenings when he is home for dinner a special occasion.  I get dressed in something other than sweatpants and an old t-shirt, put on makeup, fix my hair.  I try to make sure the house is orderly, make sure the children are not covered with jelly and marker ;), turn on some music, and light a candle.  I want him to walk through the door and feel how much we love him, respect what he does all day, and that we have anticipated his return.

It's interesting that our 4 year old daughter AG has really picked up on this.  She'll see me go to get dressed and now she wants to be "fancy for Daddy" too.  [This might include a hot pink tutu and plastic jewelry, or sometimes she "decorates" her room to make it special!  The other day she also got LB dressed in their chicken costume as a special thing for Dad!  LOL...]  I love that they actually pick up on this sense of special anticipation and excitement that Daddy is coming home and greet him with great enthusiasm!

Sometimes loving NP means joyfully doing things that we both hate to do.  For example: cleaning out the litter box (which I admittedly do NOT do often, but he so appreciates it when I do!!) and keeping mail/bills/paperwork/other junk that collects off of our desk.  A while back I spent SEVEN HOURS cleaning off our desk.  Yeah, it was bad.  We had gotten so behind on entering receipts that Quicken actually gave me error messages of "are you sure you want to enter a transaction that old?"

I wish I had a picture of NP's face when he got home from work that night and saw the desk.  It was priceless!  This huge weight was lifted off of him - because even though technically those receipts were "his job," we had had so much going on and had gotten so far behind that it was overwhelming to him.  He surely does not want to spend seven hours of his precious time home from work staring at Quicken and shredding mail!  I've been working hard to keep the desk clear for the last month, and he has told me on several occasions that walking down the stairs and seeing the desk just thrills him!

Bottom line: my husband feels loved when I willingly and joyfully help him, honor him, respond to him.  He feels loved when our home is his haven.

It's counter-cultural, for sure.  My much more feminist-leaning self 10 years ago would have balked at this post I just wrote!  But there is a freedom in embracing who God made me to be as a woman, who God made my husband to be as a man, and the amazing influence he has given us as wives and mothers in the atmosphere of our homes!

Only because of Him,

Kristi

What practical ways do you show love to your husband, or what areas do you need to improve on?

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