And There's So Much More to Learn

We spent a lot of time writing about marriage this year, but I think I'll never stop learning how to be a better wife. Whenever I start to become prideful about how far we've come as a couple, God invariably has another big lesson to teach us in our marriage. Marriage is not about happiness, but holiness. I could write for days about all the things I've learned and I could definitely write volumes on the ways NOT to behave in a marriage, but here are a couple of things that stand out from my time with Tim.

1. Lose the critical spirit, especially around other women.

There's nothing like a good gripe session to bring your marriage down. "Venting" often turns into "what's wrong with men" and "Oh wait until you hear what my husband does." Instead of encouraging each other to love our husbands better and support them, we tear them down and look for qualities to nit-pick.

2. Focus on what he does right.

Sandra wrote about this yesterday, but it's too important not to say again. There are so many wonderful qualities that my husband has, why do I often think about the few things he does that annoy me? Besides, just because it's MY way doesn't make it the ONLY way to do things.

3. Don't neglect spending time together.

There are obviously seasons of life that this is easier said than done. Military deployments, new babies, travel for work and other circumstances can make it difficult, but don't make a habit of spending all your free time apart. You can maintain a relationship with someone you never see or talk to.

4. Find a local church.

For Tim and I this made all the difference in our marriage. We studied the Bible together, worshiped together, ministered together and found more mature couples to spend time with and learn from. I cannot emphasize enough that not just attending, but being part of a local Christ-centered fellowship will improve your marriage - no matter how long or short it's been.

What stands out as a life-changing lesson in your marriage?

The Eighty-Twenty Principle

There are little things that can cause big problems in marriage, if we let them. I grew up with two blond headed sisters. Our bathroom was always clean. You can't really see blond hair in the tub, around the sink, or on the floor. My husband has black hair. Black hair in the tub, around the sink, and on the floor.

Our first year of marriage we had separate bathrooms so this didn't bother me. Our second year of marriage we only had one bathroom. So not only did we share, but anyone who came over to the parsonage shared with us too. So I felt like I was constantly cleaning the bathroom. And of course, it wasn't my mess, it was his.

Elisabeth Elliot has this advice from her husband in Love Had a Price Tag, (quoted in Feminine Appeal), "A wife, if she is very gracious, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectation. There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much. She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy."

What a difference this idea has had in my marriage! It's still an on-going lesson. You can probably tell that since I've written about it before. Patience, grace, and forgiveness are big ways I can show my husband I love him.

Last weekend I had a few women over for a book club and we were discussing the little quirks about our husbands that we would change if we could. When I talked about Lee's dark hair in the bathroom, the woman beside me said, "Well, eventually it will be gray and you won't be able to see it anymore!" Her humorous comment made a big impression on me. Why waste my time grumbling about such trivial matters? Why continue to focus on the 20% when there's 80% (or even more!) that I enjoy?

So the main lesson I've learned in our almost six years of marriage is to focus on the 80%, forget about the 20%, and just enjoy my husband 100%!

image source: marianne.leiber

This Week: Lessons Learned So Far

The Today's Housewife writers are still fairly new at this marriage thing. Combined we have just over twenty years! This week we want to share the lessons we've learned so far in our marital journeys. We hope (pray!) that we will have many more years ahead of us and will continue to learn lessons about ourselves, love, and marriage.

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image by ajpscs

Finding New "Normals"

My husband and I are watching “The Bachelorette” this summer. I am not proud of this. I detest the show on principle. But when “24” ended in the spring, we didn’t quite know what to do with Monday nights, as that had became our one and only television watching night. I can only seem to accomplish ironing and painting my toenails while watching television, so “The Bachelorette” filled a void in our lives. (There’s a statement you won’t ever hear again.)

While I continue to detest the show on principle, it has served as a much needed reminder that while the daily goings on of marriage and family-rearing can seem monotonous and mundane, there is nothing so romantic as the unwavering commitment of two people to create one life to serve the One God. I have been married for almost six years, and my husband and I come from two very different families. He is one of three boys of parents who are still married today. I was raised with three other girls in a “blended family.” Our first year of marriage was about establishing what we call “new normals.”

When we returned from our blissful honeymoon in Mexico to a 600 square foot apartment in a college town, we were both simply stunned at what the other person considered “normal.” Evan thought that urine perpetually on the rim of the toilet was normal. As I grew up in a household of females and had never shared a bathroom with a male before, this situation was not only not normal, it was appalling. I thought that cleaning and “straightening up” constantly was normal. Evan thought I was a neurotic headcase who was out to ruin his life. The first two weeks post-honeymoon were far from blissful.

What they were, however, were our first marital opportunities to communicate about what we do with our time and why we make those choices. They caused us both to give up what we deemed “the right way” to do the things in order to recognize that most marital conflict is not an issue of moral absolutes (assuming a couple has agreed upon the moral absolutes before tying the knot) but rather an issue of assumptions and expectations. What we do when we are faced with these poorly made assumptions and unmet expectations is what determines whether our marriages will sink or swim. I have become keenly aware over the years of my power as a wife and woman to manipulate my husband to do much of what I want him to do. I have also learned that the outcome is never worth the price I pay to my husband’s dignity or my own integrity. Each chance I am given to die to self is a gift, though one I do not often accept gracefully.

The toilet issue is long resolved, but others continue to appear: how we balance work and family time, spend our money, discipline our two small children, negotiate extended family conflict, incorporate spiritual values in our daily lives … the list goes on and on.

These are the things I ponder as we watch “The Bachelorette.” While the all important question of what Jillian wears to bed was finally answered Monday night (what a relief!), I can’t help but wonder when the bachelors and the object of their lust … oh, I mean affection … will start asking the questions about what their potential life partners think about daily routines, money, in-laws, children, and well, toilet seats. For these are the things that real life and real marriage are made of. And while it might not make for great television, it definitely makes for a blessed and fulfilled life.

Emily is a former college English composition instructor turned wife and stay-at-home mom of two -- soon to be 3 --kids aged 3 and under. After living in the northeast for several years, she is thrilled to be back in the South and enjoying all of the culture that comes with it. In all of the excessive spare time that comes with staying home with young children she loves to read and REALLY loves to take a good nap.

Lots to Get Used To!

Ben and I have been married for three years. We got married in our late twenties, so both of us were pretty settled. We both had a house, a car (he actually had 3 and a motorcycle), hobbies set, friends made, jobs we enjoyed, and so on. Talk about a change when we had to meld two lives into one!

Upon returning from our honeymoon, Ben and I were both attendants in his sister's wedding that weekend. Starting the next week, my family had a huge issue that involved our constant attention as well. This also involved family members staying with us for about a month. It was a very growing first couple of months of marriage for us. We were dealing with so much family stuff as well as trying to get used to living with each other!

One of the biggest problems we encountered from the start was space. We were both used to sleeping alone, so getting used to sleeping next to someone took us a little while to do! He moved into my house, so most of the decorations were mine. It took a long time to transfer some of my stuff out and move his/our stuff in! The closet was also an issue since I had used the entire master for my clothes. I gave him half of it, but then I had to move some of my stuff to other closets--yes, I did need to purge some of that!

I remember that our bathroom was tiny, so for a little while Ben would use the guest bathroom to brush his teeth, etc. This, for some reason, made me really sad and I cried because I wanted it to be our bathroom. He then moved his stuff back in and we crammed into a tiny space with one sink. When we moved into our current house about a year ago, his sink had problems, so we were back to sharing one sink which wasn't as fun as it was before! My how times change!!

We knew when we got married that we wanted to have kids pretty early in our marriage, so we took advantage of our child-less stage by doing a lot of travelling and some daring things, like skydiving! We got to do a lot of things that we now look back on with great memories...knowing we wouldn't do them now that we have a son.

I think there are lots of things that you have to get used to when you first get married. Some of them are a challenge and some of them are a lot of fun. A lot of adjustment and acceptance is needed during that first year of marriage (at least it was for us), but I think that life just gets sweeter when you learn how to live with the good and bad of your sweetie!

Spiritual Intimacy

The honeymoon phase of marriage is great. To take a quote from a movie my 3 year old loves, “…The sun is shining… Gasp. The tank is clean. THE TANK IS CLEAN!” -Peach from Finding Nemo. And THAT sums up the end of the honeymoon phase of marriage. Everything you think marriage is going to be (a lifelong honeymoon) comes to an abrupt halt and real life sets in.

JD and I were no different. I could list pages of things we’ve learned about each other and had to work through but there’s one area that seems to take a backseat many times, yet it is crucial to marriage. It is our spiritual past, present, and future.

For JD, his past consisted of growing up in a single parent home where he went to church every Sunday & Wednesday, prayed at meals, was taught the Bible, but almost all of that happened outside the home. His mom has always been guided by Christian principles and a love for Christ, but it wasn’t modeled daily at home because other things always kept them busy. He did not have a male spiritual role model to follow daily. As for me, I also grew up in a Christian home. Both of my parents loved the Lord. We went to church, like JD, every time the doors were open. Although I saw my parents study the Bible at home on their own, we did not ever incorporate a time of family Bible study and worship.

Like most couples, our pasts are different. Needless to say, it’s made our spiritual growth as a couple hard at times. I assumed that marrying a soon-to-be minister would mean this part of marriage would come natural and easy. It was easy to believe it would take the least amount of work, but we are learning that many times it is a struggle to keep Christ in the center of our family. To do lists, bedtime routine, and TV (gasp) get in the way. We must get out of the funk of life and sit down and talk about what is going on in our spiritual lives. I can’t assume JD can read my mind about what I want his role to be in our home. We must communicate with each other. We must ask each other what we learn each day, assuming we have had a moment with the Lord. We must pray for one another. We must confront one another when we see some slack in our time with the Lord.

We want to live out what we believe so that LilE will see our relationship with the Lord is not something that only happens at church, but it is a daily walk. As for our family, we must have a plan. What does spiritual growth look like in our home? We cannot rely on the church to grow her spiritually. Her teachers can only do so much in the 3 hours they have with her. We must make the most of the HOURS we spend with her each week to model and teach her about the love of Christ.

It is a daily challenge we face. It has been since day one. We must make a choice to keep the Bible on the shelf or to open it up and dive in.

How do you keep spiritual intimacy alive in your marriage?

Expectations

Tim and I had very few fights and disagreements during our first 6 months of marriage. Of course, that's probably because he was deployed for 5 months of that - and we didn't speak for weeks at a time. But hey, no fights, right? I think that should count for something!

Everyone tells you that marriage will be an adjustment, that there will be times that you don't want to be married after all and that love is a choice we make. But in the back of your blissfully engaged mind, you are thinking, "Not me. Not my sweetheart. We REALLY love each other. We are REALLY meant to be together." At least I was. And then the honeymoon (or post-deployment reunion) dust settles and the real world hits. I had no idea there would be times that I would actually be in that situation of choosing to love my spouse instead of simply having those warm fuzzies oozing from every fiber of my being toward my spouse. I know I'd been warned but I didn't believe it.

Don't misunderstand me. My husband is amazing and is truly a very easy person to love. In fact, I'm pretty sure that he's much more lovable than I actually am. And we are 100% committed to our marriage. But sometimes I think those early days of marriage can be a bit eye-opening. All those qualities that were cute and endearing in your dating relationship can now be irritating and annoying. And when life doesn't feel romantic and fun like your honeymoon, it can be a big disappointment. But God is faithful and when you are on the other side of those first adjustments to being a married couple, it's really fun to laugh about it.

I think one of the keys for Tim and I has been communicating our expectations to one another. It sounds funny to say out loud, but if you don't tell your spouse what you are thinking, they won't know. I've written about the differences in men and women before, but it's still true. And even though he's gotten quite skilled at guessing in almost 6 years of marriage, my husband is still not a mind-reader. It's not fair to expect him to meet all my expectations without telling him what they are.

Consider making a list of your expectations for your spouse. Then pray over it. Are they realistic and loving? Think of ways you can communicate with your spouse about the expectations that you both have for one another.

Any brides-to-be out there, what expectations do you have of your groom and have you had a conversation about them?

Married ladies, in what ways to do communicate your expectations in love to your spouse?

Whirlwind Year

Lee and I returned home from our honeymoon just two weeks before school started. We both taught at the same small Christian high school and were in seminary full time. I have to admit, our first year of marriage is kind of a blur! We both taught all day and took classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Even working together we didn't see one another very often! Here are a few things I do remember from that first year.

We realized early in marriage that we were both "stackers." The house wasn't actually messy, we just left stacks every where! Stacks of books, papers to grade, mail.... lots of stacks! Over all the house was pretty clean, but we did have a lot of stacks.

I learned quickly that I should have spent more time in the kitchen with my mom! When I was single, I cooked for myself, but it didn't have to be that good. A salad with cheese and crackers was a good dinner! Now that I was cooking for two, I had to be more creative. I remember inviting Lee's parents over for lunch one Saturday. I planned to make twice baked potatoes. I didn't read the entire recipe ahead of time, and about 30 minutes before they were supposed to be there, I realized I didn't know how to mash potatoes! So they ended up being just piles of cut up baked potatoes with toppings!

Another surprise that first year of marriage was the incredible amount of laundry! Seriously! Lee seemed to wear three outfits a day! Before I was married I think I did laundry every two weeks. Eventually we got a new system down and Lee didn't run out of the essentials nearly as often!

Managing our money was another big lesson. It's a life-long lesson actually. I remember one month calling my mom in tears because we didn't have any money. Somehow I had signed up for the mortgage to be automatically be taken out of our account. But I didn't realize that and also sent a check in for the mortgage. When they both cleared we had nothing left.

Before our first anniversary, we both quit our jobs teaching and had our new house on the market to sell. Lee got a job preaching in a small country church that had a parsonage. That year brought new adjustments. We were both still in school full time, but I didn't work and Lee's office was at the house. Never seeing one another changed to rarely being apart!

Those first years of marriage were fun and challenging. Of course, years from now I'll consider year five of our marriage among the "first years." I know I still have a lot more lessons to learn! But we'll get through them the same way we got through the first couple years, with patience, laughter, and forgiveness!

This Week's Topic: Marriage

Our topic this week is "When the Honeymoon Is over and Marriage Begins." It's about taking two lives and making them one! In some areas that's easy, in other areas it can be a struggle. We hope to encourage you newlyweds (or nearly weds) in your journey. We hope to laugh with those who have "been there and done that." Enjoy our stories!

photo credit: schooksonruss

Our Fun/Scary/Great/Crazy/Unforgettable Honeymoon

Three years ago this morning I woke up for the first time next to my husband. (Can you believe we still haven't spent a night apart in 3 years?) When we left the reception, I had no idea where we were going. We spent the first night at The Mansion on Turtle Creek. It was a great hotel. After waking up, we headed to his house to drop off our wedding clothes and go to the airport. When we arrived at the airport, he gave me an envelope that detailed our honeymoon...to Costa Rica! It sounded amazing and I was so excited!

From Dallas, the flight wasn't very long, so we arrived in the evening. We went to get our rental car and it hit me all at once--my husband doesn't speak Spanish, so I'll be doing all the translating! That was a little too much stress for this newly wed, so I shed a quick tear and was over it...for the most part! We drove from San Jose to Santa Barbara where we stayed at Finca Rosa Blanca. The first night, we were in an amazing suite with a 360 degree view of the surrounding area, but we were only able to stay here one night, so the next day we moved to another nice room.

It was then time to move to our next destination, but we made a few stops on the way including Volcan Poas which we didn't get to see because it was too foggy and the butterfly sanctuary, which was really amazing. There were a lot of waterfalls in this area as well.

We then arrived at Arenal where we stayed at Tabacon Hot Springs Resort. This was one of our favorite places because it was so relaxing! We got to go to the hot springs earlier and later than other visitors since we stayed at this resort. I remember that the breakfasts here were definitely amazing!! After staying here a few nights, we headed to our next destination: Monteverde.

The ride to Monteverde was pretty bumpy and I was just starting to feel pretty bad with what ended up being a bladder infection! At some points, I thought it would have been easier (and faster) to walk instead of riding in our little car! We arrived in the evening and stayed at Hotel Fonda Vela in a really nice two-story room. The next morning, we headed over to Sky Trek where we had a zip-line tour of the jungle. It was a lot of fun, but scary at times since this tour boasts that it has the longest, highest and fastest lines in all of Costa Rica! We spent two nights here before heading to Playa Samara where our journey gets interesting.

By this point, I am feeling really bad, but we arrived too late to do anything the first night in Hotel Punta Islita. This hotel was amazing, but getting to it was anything short of a miracle. You had to cross a fast-flowing river (that we were later told had drug many rental cars out to sea) during low tide and drive on dirt roads for some time (like most of Costa Rica). The hotel was pretty much set off by itself, so to get to restaurants or town, this had to be done! On the second day we were there, I self-prescribed my diagnosis and we headed to town to get some antibiotics at a local pharmacy and spend some time at the local beach. We took the camera with us to take some cool shots, but hid my purse in the car. After returning to the car in about 45 minutes, we realized my purse (with $300 cash, OUR PASSPORTS, my credit cards and antibiotics) was stolen! So we went back to town and reported to the police, but they said it wasn't their jurisdiction (remember all of this is in Spanish), so they told us where to go to report it. When we arrived at the next place, we had to wait for someone to arrive to report and got a handwritten (on a piece of typing paper) report. We were told they knew who stole it and even what car he drove, but he had probably just taken the cash and dumped the contents on the side of the road! We then went to buy some more antibiotics again, and returned to the hotel to cancel our credit cards, e-mail the family (who freaked out) and plan our trip to San Jose to get new passports! We spent a total of three nights here before heading to town one last time to check for the passports. When we got to the police station, I kept telling Ben that it was pointless, but we went in anyway. The police officer took my name and said he thought he had seen something with Cama ("bed") on it that morning, but he didn't have a key to the closet where they keep stuff. Then another officer arrived on a motorcycle and he had a key. They dug through a few plastic sacks before presenting us with one...that contained my credit cards and our passports!!! We were amazed and so happy!! Praise the Lord--we didn't have to change our plans and go to San Jose after all!

So we happily headed to our last destination: Tamarindo. Ben was probably most excited about this hotel because it boasted of an outdoor shower and was right on the beach! Little did we know that it was very...open! There were only screens with shutters on the windows and a shower that opened to the hallway above! I once asked a question while in the shower and someone in the hallway answered me! It was a nice hotel and we had a good time in Tamarindo (this was the only place we found a few American restaurants). Being the end of our two week trip (in a rainforest country with dirt roads) we turned in our rental a few days before we flew back to San Jose (on a tiny plane). We did have a scrumptious dinner our last night where we had a chocolate souffle. Yum!
As you can see, our honeymoon was full of adventure (and room-hopping). I wouldn't change it or the fact that I had no part in planning any of it! I loved the surprise and am so thankful for my husband's creativity and research in each town we visited!

The Poconos

Do you remember thumbing through the wedding magazines and seeing the champagne shaped tubs? Yes, we went there.

We were married in March. We wanted an all inclusive resort and decided we would head north to the mountains of Pennsylvania. We loved the Caesars Resort at Cove Haven. They have several options for rooms and we did not chose the Champagne Towers by Cleopatra room, but the Garden of Eden Apple instead. It was awesome! Heart shaped jacuzzi tub, living room/bedroom with fireplace, and an indoor pool!

I loved that it was all inclusive. We were served breakfast in bed and we got to chose when it was delivered-10 am. Typically, due to the late breakfast, we headed to the dining room for an early dinner.

Activities on the property included sledding, horseback riding, and ice skating (among some other summer activities). It did snow one night while we were there.

JD planned for us to drive to NYC one day. The only conversation with others I remember is how crazy they thought we were for driving 3 hours each way to go to the city. If you recall from our dating period, we had a 4 hour commute to see each other. Three hours in the car with the love of my life was fabulous! We first headed to dinner at Windows on the World. It was a restaurant located on the 106th floor of the World Trade Center. We watched the sun set over the city while we enjoyed our meal. Afterward, we went to see Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. Ahh, it was wonderful! I highly recommend a show if you ever go to the city!

Like the other girls said, it was a time of lots of rest and relaxation. We watched some movies, made smores in our room, and just enjoyed our time together. And as for the self pics, well, on the way to the hotel on our wedding day I realized I left the camera at my parent's house. Bummer! Therefore, the only pic we have is the one above. Oh well.

It is hard to believe our 10th is right around the corner. We are planning to go tropical! We want another all inclusive resort.
What company do we need to go with (Sandals, Couples Resorts, etc) and most importantly, where do we need to go?

On the Riverwalk

At the Alamo - it moves me every time I visit.

Our anniversary is September 6th for several reasons. We got engaged right around Christmas and knew that booking a summer wedding in Dallas would be difficult at that point. And we wanted Tim to be able to be there. (It's rather inconvenient when the groom has to be at sea during your wedding!) So we chose September because his boat was supposed to be home right before a 6 month deployment and it allowed us time to plan the wedding long distance and secure all the locations and vendors. But that didn't allow for us to take a long honeymoon since I was a teacher and had to get back to my classes. I only had 3 days and we decided to spend them in San Antonio.

If you've never been, I highly recommend visiting. It has something for everyone. It's a great destination for families and couples alike because there is so much to do in the area. You have history, shopping, entertainment and some of the best food you've ever eaten. I think it's the food that I probably remember most from our short time there. We ate our fill of Texas barbeque, mexican food and an amazing steak dinner. I'm pretty sure I gained 10 lbs in 3 days there!

My husband chose our hotel, The Menger. It was very historic and located steps from the Alamo. That translates into very small rooms and even tinier bathrooms. It was fine for a couple of short days for the young and in love, but if I went back I would probably ask Tim to spring for a suite. But the lobby is beautiful and there's an amazing bar with solid wood panelling and bevelled mirrors that was designed to replicate the The House of Lords Pub in England. It's also said that Teddy Roosevelt recruited many of his Roughriders at the bar there. It's worth checking out even if you don't stay there. And while you are there, be sure to stop in the courtyard and enjoy a bowl of the famous mango ice cream. (I told you we ate a lot on our honeymoon!)

We saw the sights of San Antonio together like the Riverwalk and the Alamo. And other than eating at every different kind of restaurant we could imagine, we slept a lot and just generally enjoyed the well wishes and gifts you get when you tell everyone you are on your honeymoon. Our final evening there we went up in The Tower of the Americas to have a drink and watch the sunset. It was something that my parents had done on their honeymoon and we wanted to honor them in that way. It was absolutely beautiful and the highlight of our trip.

We've been so fortunate to travel as a married couple and enjoy trips from London to Hawaii to NYC and San Francisco, but none of them will every mean what our short, simple Honeymoon in San Antonio did.

Southern Hospitality

Lee and I left the morning after the wedding for about a six hour drive down to Charleston, South Carolina. We love that city! Lee was a history teacher when we got married so he loves that every corner you turn there's a "historical landmark." I love the seafood, shopping, and the southern hospitality!

Anyone else have trouble getting pictures of the two of you on the honeymoon?

I think the first night of our honeymoon was the most memorable. Lee woke me up around midnight and said, "My right ear is thumping and my ear drum is going to burst. We can go to the emergency room now, or in the morning." We decided to go then. Have you been to an emergency room at 1:00 am? Not the most romantic place! A couple hours later, both of Lee's ear drums had busted. He got some medicine and had to keep cotton balls stuck in his ears. We had a hard time communicating that week. I had to yell at him a lot! We laughed that we hoped we didn't spend our entire marriage yelling at one another!

We still had fun though! Lee loved Ft. Sumter. I really enjoyed the aquarium. As a wedding gift, one of my cousins got us a gift certificate to Hymans Seafood. It was so nice of her to take time to find out what kind of food we liked, ask for recommendations around the city, and take care of our meal for us! We've been back to Charleston twice since then and eaten at Hymans both times. It's our favorite!

For us, our honeymoon was the perfect balance of relaxation and activity. There were things to do, but not so much that we didn't rest after the wedding. Charleston had just what we both wanted in a honeymoon spot!

This Week: Honeymoon Memories

Simple or extravagant, far away or close by, low-key or high energy- there are so many options for honeymoon destinations! This week we're sharing our honeymoon memories with you. From the "I can't believe that just happened" moments to the priceless moments we'll remember forever, every honeymoon has a story. Hope you enjoy ours!

photo by katiekathryn

Renewing Your Vows

We had a lot of good discussion here on the site and over on Facebook and Twitter (Are you a fan on Facebook? Do you follow us on Twitter?) about getting married all over again! So today we are hoping to hear from you!

Please continue the conversation in the comments today! Have you renewed your wedding vows? Would you renew your vows? What would you include or do differently? Please share!

June 17, 2006

June 17, 2006 was a day I had looked forward to for a long time! I was so excited to be marrying Ben, even though we had dated for a relatively short time and been engaged for only a few months. I knew that God had brought us together and we were looking forward to our future together.

The day started with me getting ready at the hotel where my parents were staying. Then we met up with all the bridesmaids and female relatives for a brunch at Mimi's. I must have been more nervous than I thought I was because I felt horrible! Thankfully I made it through brunch and we headed to the church to get ready. It was sprinkling just a little bit, but soon the son was shining brightly!

I did my own hair because I don't think most hair stylists know how to correctly handle curly hair! My mom had made my veil and garter. I loved that and some of the other special touches about our wedding, like using the mantilla my grandmother had me buy when I was in Spain on the piano. I loved my dress and had so much fun getting ready with the other girls.

It seemed like this time really flew. We took some pictures and before long, they were saying it was time to line up! Seriously??

It was fun to walk down the aisle with my dad and see all of our friends and family, but especially seeing Ben waiting for me was awesome! My bridesmaids were Sandra, KLee, Ericca (a friend from high school), Amy (my sister-in-law), Lydia (my future sister-in-law) and Tiffany (Ben's sister). The girls wore black dresses and carried gerbera daisies (my favorite)! Ben's groomsmen were family members and a friend. My nephew was our ring bearer and did such a great job! I walked down the aisle to "There's a Sweet Sweet Spirit" (my favorite hymn) being sung.

It seemed so surreal that Ben and I commented during the ceremony that it felt like we were actors on a stage, but we enjoyed every minute. It just didn't really feel like we were really getting married! We had a few songs. We were married by three pastors--my brother did a reading, my pastor from Mexico gave a sermon and my high school pastor married us. We had asked him to ask if anyone had any objections because Ben had never heard of a wedding with that in it before, but he said it didn't fit in. He did fit in, "They were naked and knew no shame" though. That was for my mom! We wrote our own vows.

After we were pronounced husband and wife, a mariachi band started playing at the back of the church as we walked out. Then they escorted us down the hall to the reception We had a cheese and fruit reception that we bought from Sam's which was a great money-saving idea! Our cake was really amazing (and we even ate it a year later and it was STILL so good)!!

We had so much fun getting to hang out with everyone for a little while before heading off to our honeymoon (that I knew nothing about). We left the church to everyone ringing bells. Our car, of course, was totally decorated and we got a lot of honks on the way to the hotel. We left still dressed up, so everyone in the hotel also knew that we had just gotten married, but that was all fun!

I am definitely blessed to have married Ben and would do it over again in a second!

Eight Years

Eight years ago this past March, I said “I do.” It is amazing how quickly time passes.

After spending a great night with all the girls at my parent’s house, we got up and started the day. While I was getting ready, the Wedding Day candle was burning. It was first given to my friend Christy. She gave it to me to burn on my wedding day. It was later passed to Julie. The three of us grew up like sisters (actually, I am the only one not blood related).

About mid morning the rain came down. Not a little sprinkle, but more like a torrential downpour. For hours! We thought this really might affect the attendance. We sure were wrong! There were close to 400 in attendance.

We got married at my home church. I did not want it to look like a choir loft behind us and I think they did a fabulous job making it into a beautiful garden! I could not be happier with how it turned out. So many flowers and twinkle lights. Romantic!


Prior to the official beginning of the ceremony, JD went out to address our guests. I think he told them something all lovey-dovey about the two of us and thanking them for coming. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the place. I still do not know what he said. I was not listening because I did not want to cry before I walked the aisle and no, we still have not watched the video, so I still have no idea what was said.

My attendants included two college friends, Jeanna and Kama, two childhood friends, Christy and Julie, and JD’s little sister, Ruth. JD’s attendants were his brother-in-law, two childhood friends, a college friend and my brother, Blake. The girls wore lilac colored dressed carrying a spring bouquet including stargazer lilies (one of my favorites). What an honor it was to have friends and family stand beside me on one of the most important days of my life!

The ceremony itself was only 22 minutes. A family friend/former minister married us. We had a former music minister come sing for us. We also had family and friends do a little praise and worship (which was pretty unheard of at the time). And we actually wrote our own vows to make the day even more personal. It was a great day of praising the Lord for the gift of love he had given the two of us.

The reception followed in the Family Life Center at the church. It was also decorated out of this world! We loved getting to talk with all our friends and family who came in such terrible weather to support us. The one thing I remember at the end of the evening was how bad my cheeks hurt. I could not stop smiling!

We headed back to my parent’s house to change before spending our first night together as husband and wife. While at my parent’s house still in my wedding dress, JD took the time to wash my feet. Just as Jesus washed the disciples’ feet in John 13, JD was showing me how much he loved me. (The bowl he used now adorns my kitchen cabinets.) Don’t I have a fabulous husband?!? I truly am blessed to have such a wonderful man who loves the Lord to share my life with!

I would love to have another opportunity to marry to JD. I think the second time around I would be much less nervous and be able to pay attention to all the details. Our day was one FULL of love and joy. It was simply amazing!

Friends, Family and Fun

I would love to get married again.  Not because I picked the wrong guy.  (I definitely didn't!)  And not because I didn't get the wedding of my dreams.  (I did.)  But because it was so much fun.  Almost 6 years later, we still laugh and smile all the way through our wedding video.  (I even watch it alone when Tim's at sea.)  We watch it at least twice a year and love reliving the day we made a covenant to each other and the Lord.  

And I'm so glad we have the wedding video because I don't actually remember much about the ceremony.  (Is that terrible?!)  It's great to get to see us saying our vows since I don't recall actually doing it.  I think I was so excited and nervous that the adrenaline kicked in a bit too much.  But I do remember the kiss and I remember the feeling I had when I married my man.  Amazingly, it's just gotten better.

While our ceremony was incredibly meaningful and worshipful, it was our reception that I really remember.  It was so fun to get to celebrate with our family and friends.  We ate and danced and laughed until our face hurt.  Our guest list was enormous - well over 300 attending, but it was worth it.  And that's what I remember most.  It was incredible to be surrounded by so many people who cared enough to share in our special day.  I was overwhelmingly blessed by each and every one.

And while I can remember stressing over wedding details like the colors, the invitations, the menu, the flowers, etc., it's not those things at all that have stayed with me.  It's the memory of the people I spent that day with.  And most importantly, the mark of a beginning to a new life as a married couple.  That's the one real decision that matters.  

But just for the fun of it, here are a few specific things I did love about our wedding day.  

-I loved that the pastor shared the Gospel with our friends and family during the ceremony.  

-I loved sharing it with my bridesmaids - all of whom have been the most amazing and loyal friends to me.  

-I loved having all four of my grandparents, both sets who've celebrated over 50 years together themselves, be present.  

-I loved that Katie and I totally bustled my dress wrong because we were in such a hurry to get to the reception and have fun.  

-I loved that my mom's dear friends who decorated spread rose petals everywhere for us to walk over.  

-I loved dancing with my new husband.  (And I am still sorry that I kept you from dancing the Cotton-eyed Joe.  Perhaps a very public apology will earn some forgiveness.)  

-I loved watching the groomsmen dance to the YMCA.  

-And I even loved watching my husband and his friends rap "Ice, Ice, Baby."  (And sadly yes, they knew every word.)  

-I loved our cake.  

-I loved our get-away car.  

Really, I loved it all.