Date Night at Home

My husband and I have celebrated anniversaries, birthdays, and Valentines at home. Yes, we would have preferred to be out, but we learned to make the best of our circumstances, rather than doing nothing at all. For most of our marriage, we have not lived near family and friends. So, we've never had the luxury of having free babysitters. During Heath's time in college and seminary, we usually did not have the extra funds to pay for a babysitter.

We began to intentionally carve out special time for our relationship. During the years of having small children, and my husband being in seminary and the ministry full-time, we could have grown apart. But, instead we grew closer to one another. It takes effort, and the ability to choose to have a right attitude about your current circumstances.

Here are some At-Home Date Suggestions

Movie Night

* Drag your mattress into the living room or cuddle up on the couch together
* Subscribe to an inexpensive home delivery movie rental service.
* Rent a movie or borrow a movie from a friend that you BOTH would like to see.

Bistro

* Transform your bedroom into a romantic bistro
* White Christmas lights, candles, romantic music
* Enjoy a romantic dinner by candlelight, right in your own bedroom (with the door locked).
* If you have a little extra cash…get something delivered or pick something up.
* Or cook a simple, but nice meal (together). It’s not fair for the wife to have to do all the work on this night.

Dance the Night Away

* Dim the lights, play some music, and dance the night away.

Water Date

* Do you have a hot tub, jacuzzi, or swimming pool?
* Spend some time together in the water.

Pampering Night

* Massage feet, back, face, torso, and see where it leads.

Game Night

* Playstation, Nintendo, Wii, whatever you like
* Board games
* Card games

Coffee Shop Night

* In our house, I like hot coffee, tea, or chocolate. My husband cannot stand coffee. He likes the smell, but cannot stand the taste!
* Plan a coffee shop night. Make each other’s favorite warm drink. Light some candles, play some music. Create a relaxing atmosphere. Snuggle up together, have conversation while you enjoy your mug of warm whatever.
* When the weather is nice go outside on your porch or deck and look at the stars together.

Pizza Night

* Get a pizza delivered after the kids go to bed. It’s just like going out to eat alone, without the kids. This has to be top secret though, since pizza is many children’s favorite food. Perhaps, you could order enough to make sure the children could have leftovers for lunch the next day.

Dipping Night

* Melt some chocolate and dip your favorite foods. Strawberries, cherries, bananas, pretzels, graham crackers, etc…

Book Club

* Choose a book to read through…meet and discuss the book.
* Perhaps this could be a fiction, non-fiction, biography, marriage, or parenting book.

Sport Events

* Football, Basketball, Baseball…these are the top sports to watch in our house. Maybe this will be an easy one for you both, or maybe one of you dislikes sports very much. The point is to spend TIME together. Make an effort to participate in things that your spouse likes. Who knows, maybe you’ll end up a sports fan too!

Star Gazing

* Put the kids to bed and go outside and sit on your porch and gaze at the stars together. Talk, cuddle, whatever….

Keep it Simple

Because of our society, we think unless we can do something huge, and spend a lot of money then we shouldn’t do anything at all. Do not allow time constraints or financial strains to prohibit you from enjoying intimate time alone with your spouse!

If you have children, get them to bed early so you can curl up in bed or on the couch together, and enjoy a conversation, game, or movie. Intentionally plan an evening together. Flirt with one another, like you did when you were dating. Take care of yourself, so you will have the energy you need to spend quality time with your spouse at the end of the day. Share household chores, and parenting duties. Invest in your marriage, now, so in the future when it is just the two of you alone again, you will not have to get to know each other all over again, or worse, continue to live distant lives. Because of your home date nights, you will already know each other’s likes and dislikes. Marriage is an awesome gift from God! The pleasure of marriage, does not, and should not cease while children dwell under your roof! Be an example to your children. Show your children how awesome it is to be married! I believe marriage is often looked at as drudgery, or the “old ball and chain.” Let’s be a different generation of parents. Let’s show our children just how wonderful and fun it is to be married to your best friend.

Nikki and her husband have been married for 9 years, and have enjoyed many At-Home Dates since the arrival of their three children. Nikki is a minister's wife, home-educator, and homemaker. She blogs a little at Joy in the Journey.

Make a List

The other night Ben and I were out for dinner. Since our son is still small, we take him with us because he's not really a distraction and is really good in restaurants. I realize that this will change at some point! While we were at dinner, we both thought of ideas for dates we could go on and wrote them down. We did this recently with our menu too so that we could go through our list to keep from having the same thing every night. It has worked there, so why not try a "Date Idea List?" By the way, any idea was written down even if it didn't sound like something the other would want to do.

Here are some ideas we came up with:

- go to a park

- bowling

- learn to dance (a local restaurant has free salsa lessons every weekend--if you know me, you're amazed that this was my idea)

- ride go-carts

- go to the theater (this could even be a local high school play)

- museums (they are usually free in this area on Thursday nights)

- concerts by local people at a local hang out

- check the newspaper or online for free entertainment
- roller skating (my friend and I do stroller skating on Thursday mornings with other moms, so there are still rinks out there)

- camping (he's been wanting to stay in a tee-pee at Turner Falls)

- horseback riding

- picnic (we have done this quite a few times and it really is fun)

- theme park

- rock climbing wall

This was a good idea because we were coming up with some cheap ways to stay connected (although we haven't done any of the activities yet). Handprints On the Wall came up with some cheap dates too!

Babysitting Co-op

The theme so far this week is baby sitting is way too expensive. Can I get an amen? I have several friends who are apart of a Babysitting Co-op. Each family is paired up with another family. Once or twice a month each couple will go out while the other couple keeps the kids. For example, JD and I will go out the first and third Friday of every month and my friend and her husband go out the second and fourth Friday of every month. They keep our daughter on 1 & 3 and we keep theirs on 2 & 4. We have something every Friday, some with lots of kids, others just the two of us. BUT, it's FREE childcare with people you trust.

This plan works well in theory if your schedule allows. We tried it once and it was hard for us to find another couple to pair up with because we were always busy with church stuff. And the couple we paired up with was always going to the same events we were. Defeats the purpose. But others in our group of friends have tried it and it works well for them.

As for date night ideas, we too are cheap. We actually use Blockbuster Total Access as our movie provider of choice. Instead of putting the movie back in the mail and waiting for another one, we can return it to the store and immediately watch another one! Works well if you want to watch movies on Friday and Saturday nights.

But you all are wanting some new ideas for dates nights, right? Blog hopping somewhere (maybe through Sandra?) I found a Date Night Planner. It had some okay ideas, but I will say it works better if you live in or near a big city. From that site I found some other blogs and sites with ideas:

30 Frugal Date Night Ideas--Yes, the first one talks about factory tours, specifically beer. I personally do not plan to go through a brewery, but Krispy Kreme does work for me!

Free and Cheap Things to Do for $5 or Less--this is a short list and not all states are included. Check out other states and I am sure you can find similar things in your area.

Family Date Nights--If you can't find childcare, these are some ideas for your family to do together.

For some other great ideas, come back on Friday! I got a sneak peek and there are some fabulous ideas coming!! Stay tuned!

7:30? It's a Date!

I used to babysit - a lot. I know that will probably shock you. I mean, after you read all about how my handsome husband and I met at Student Council Camp, you probably pegged me as a "cool" kid. In reality I spent a lot more weekends playing Candyland and Clue than dating back in the day. But I can assure you that I never made $10 an hour! Seriously. I talked with a lot of friends this week and that seems to be the median rate for babysitting these days. We are fortunate to have moved to an area where $8 is a premium rate, but still. Let's think about this: $8 for 3-4 hours. $8 per person for movie tickets. $20 for popcorn, a drink and a box of candy. That's $60-70 for one evening out! Not many movies I've seen are worth $60 or more.

So what's a couple to do? Just resign yourself to not dating until the kids are able to stay alone and put themselves to bed? Pull a "Good Dog Carl" and hope no one calls CPS? Our solution is an early bedtime routine. It is rare that our boys aren't in bed (for good) at 7:30. This gives us several hours each evening to be together and spend time with just the two of us. We have been fortunate to have good sleepers and we have worked to help them fall asleep on their own following our nightly routine. It's simple, but it works for us.

The key is making sure that you are intentional about spending quality time together. It doesn't help to put the kids in bed at a decent hour if you are only going to retire to your own parts of the house until 10 pm. Some nights we watch television together. Wednesday nights we love to make popcorn (on the stove, with real butter and salt and parmesan cheese) and watch LOST. It's our favorite and one of the few shows we watch live and not from our DVR. Other nights we read together in bed or watch a movie. On special occasions, like Valentine's Day, we even wait and have a late dinner that's a bit more romantic than dining with the boys. There are some evenings when we both have things to do on our own but most nights we spend those couple of hours together.

We certainly enjoy an evening all to ourselves with a sitter watching the boys. We've been fortunate to find some really great ones everywhere that we've lived. But it's important to spend quality time together more than just once or twice a month. I want to encourage you to be intentional with your spouse this week after the kids are in bed. Pick a show on television to watch together. Play a game. Watch a movie you think they will enjoy. And if you can't come up with anything else, just make it "Naked Thursday" and I'm sure you'll find some way to kill the time.

Friday Night Movie

If you would have asked me a few months ago about date nights, I would have had nothing for you! We live miles and hours and states away from our families, and even though we've now lived here a year, we don't have a babysitter on call. So we actually go out on dates about twice a year, when we visit my family and leave the boys with them.
But last month we started a subscription to Netflix. My husband LOVES movies. He'll even go to a movie by himself. So now, every Friday night after the boys go to bed, we pop in the latest movie. We take turns picking them. Last weekend it was "End of the Spear." Not your typical date night movie, but I recently read Through Gates of Splendor and Lee is currently reading a biography on Jim Elliot. It was a good movie (but be prepared to cry at least a little!).

Not every movie is a winner. We didn't make it through "Swing Vote" a couple weeks ago. But, it's not about the movie. It's about time together. In the same room. Focused on the same thing. Even sitting by each other without little ones in between us!

image source: jomak14

Love Through Prayer

I am a working mom of two boys with the BEST husband EVER! I bet you want to say that about your husband too or at least I hope so. How do I practically show my husband I love him? By cooking him dinner and having his babies, of course. Just kidding. I think that when you are in love with your husband the way that God intended, it’s not hard at all to come up with ways to love him right where he is.

“God is not a cold or distant God. He’s a God of great affection who exults over you with joy, who quiets you with his love and rejoices over you with shouts of joy (Zeph 3:17). That’s pretty enthusiastic love!!!

“God also loves your spouse this way. Maybe you feel fresh out of love for your mate. Some days you aren’t sure if you even like the guy anymore! If so, I have some wonderful news for you: God hasn’t run out of love for your spouse. No Matter what your spouse has done or not done, the Lord has an inexhaustible supply of love you can tap into”
- adapted from Loving your Spouse Through Prayer: How to Pray God’s Word Into Your Marriage by Cheri Fuller

I just love that quote. Even when we think maybe we might run low on our love for them or for ourselves we always can bank that the LORD has us right there under HIS umbrella. I hope you can find time this week to do at least one thing on my list. Praying for you girlfriends!

Loving my MAN Caskey Style:
-Wash his car and don’t tell him or ask if he noticed. If it’s Jordan, he will notice quickly because all the cups will be gone.
-Cook his favorite dinner-even if it grosses you out
-Leave him notes in his lunch bag or laptop bag. We do this a lot when Jordan travels. I even stick them in his folded clothes. A few years ago I stuck pictures in those magnet frames of William, our oldest son.
-Have the kiddos make pictures for his office about how much their daddy ROCKS.
-Blog about how much you LOVE him. Someone is bound to tell him.
-Hold hands in the car, at the mall, while out for a walk & at church
-LISTEN TO HIM
-Believe in him
-KNOW HIS LOVE LANGUAGE and speak it often
-Kiss him and I MEAN REALLY KISS HIM for no reason at all (hello and good bye do not count)
-Everyone is always talking about pursuing your wife. Well, I say pursue your husband everyday.
-Get a babysitter
-GIVE HIM A SATURDAY off every once in a while to do nothing!

Finally I will leave you with this: I know many of you do not like sports like I do, and it is a good thing that I do since that is my husbands job. We have enjoyed many sporting events together. Do this without complaining or saying what you need in return. Just do it because it’s what he likes. I’m sure he does many things for you that he would rather not and does not dare complain while doing. So make a date to go to a ball game. Baseball season is right around the corner. GO RED SOX!




Beth is a wife to a sports announcer and a working mom to two boys. She loves to cook and is a lover of Red Sox Baseball. You can also find her blogging at Just Me and the Boys.

Naked Thursday

I'm sure you saw on the news recently when Ed Young came out with advice for a better marriage--have more sex. Shortly after that, Oprah had a show called Sex 101 where a couple talked about their journey back to intimacy in a book they wrote called 365 Nights (that now has a Bible study accompaniment). There is also a book called Just Do It where a couple turned off the TV for 101 days. Shaunti Feldhahn wrote about what we need to know about men in For Women Only. I went to hear her speak when I was a newlywed and she gave us some "homework." I bet you can guess what it was.

Can we really talk about that on a Christian blog? Of course we can! God is the one who created sex for one man and woman in a MARRIAGE relationship. I believe it is one of the best ways to show your husband love. You are taking time out to show him that he is a top priority--over the TV, housework, etc. You are doing something with him that others can't and you are growing your intimacy. Can you really calculate how much good it really does for you, him, your marriage, your kids, your future, etc.? (Here I am, preaching to the choir!)

God, Sex and the Bible also has some good thoughts. Take the 1 Cor. 7:5 Challenge at the Diaper Diaries. Making Home also has some thoughts on Sex in a Christian Marriage and some other interesting topics in her highlights.

(1 Cor 7:3-6) The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. {4} The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. {5} Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. {6} I say this as a concession, not as a command.

*This post is called Naked Thursday as a joke. Sometimes my mom will call and remind me to do something and I tell her I can't because it's Naked Thursday...or Monday...or Saturday. You get the idea!

Take the Dare

On September 26, 2008, a movie entered the theaters that would begin to change marriages; Fireproof. It wouldn't be the cheesy acting necessarily that would end up drawing husbands and wives closer together, but rather a prop IN the movie, The Love Dare.

My marriage is not failing as the one portrayed in the movie, but we, after 8 years of marriage, are no longer in the honeymoon phase. The hum drum of daily life with children, jobs, chores, etc. has replaced the "dating" we did pre and early marriage.

What is different about what we did then and what we do now? For us, it is putting the focus on ourselves instead of focusing on our partner. I am so caught up with what I want and need and how he can provide it for me that I am no longer focusing on him.

Enter The Love Dare. The introduction states "...marriage also shows us our need to grown and deal with our own issues and self-centeredness through the help of a lifelong partner." It goes on to say The Love Dare "is not a process of trying to change your spouse to be the person you want them to be...Rather, this is a journey of exploring and demonstrating genuine love, even when your desire is dry and your motives are low. The truth is, love is a decision and not just a feeling. It is selfless, sacrificial, and transformational. And when love is truly demonstrated as it was intended, your relationship is more likely to change for the better."

Below are some of the practical things that you will be "dared" to do during the 40 journey. I am not ruining it all for you as these are a few of the ones shown in the movie.

Day 1
Demonstrate patience and say nothing negative to your spouse.

Day 2
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

Day 3
Buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today."

Day 18
Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you.

Day 23
Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.

In one scene of the movie, the husband and his dad were talking, the husband was talking about how he didn't understand how he had been doing 20+ days of dares and she still wasn't giving him the time of day. No matter what he did, how much he listened, his wife did not show him love or respect. The dad then turned the situations back to the Heavenly Father. God shows us love in so many different ways, unconditionally, yet we still focus on ourselves and do not love Him in return as we should.

What an eye opener. I have learned over the last three years that my relationship with my daughter is a comparison of my relationship with God, but never saw my relationship with my husband that way! The end of The Love Dare focuses on your relationship with God through prayer, devotions, Bible reading. If we really want God to grow our relationship with our spouse, we must first be growing our relationship with our Bridegroom. That's the only way I will be able to focus on my husband, by focusing on God and him rather than myself. The Love Dare will be a tool I will be using as I embark on this journey to love my husband as God loves me.

How to Love your Husband...

There are so many ways to love your spouse. We say that we love our husbands a lot - and we do! But how many times do we say the words without actually living out what we mean. Here's a list of 10 ways you can show him just how much you care that I've done or are working on. (I've also included some tips for implementing a few of these ways to show love. I'm admitting nothing, but I imagine that there could be some downsides to these well-intended actions.)

10. Throw away his old underwear and t-shirts and surprise him with new ones washed and folded in his drawers. (But if you forget to actually buy and wash new ones for him after you throw the old ones away you shouldn't act annoyed when he wakes you up at 5:00 am to ask if he has any clean t-shirts.)

9. Make your husband a lunch to take to work. (But double check to make sure that you've removed the paper squares from the sliced cheese before you put it on the sandwich.)

8. Take an interest in your husband's work and spend some time getting to know his co-workers. (But do not make a joke to his boss that could be misinterpreted as criticism so that your husband gets a lecture on "handling" his wife the next day.)

7. Cook for your husband. (But if something goes wrong or you burn the meal do not yell and throw the spatula across the kitchen.)

6. Find an economical option for lodging on vacation and make reservations to surprise him. (But don't cry or be mad at your husband if you forget to get exact directions and you spend 2+ hours wandering around the same 6 block radius in London carrying your luggage while your feet hurt.)

And a few on a more serious note...

5. Don't criticize your husband or men in general with your girlfriends. It's so easy to get caught up in a conversation that puts men down. Show him love by always speaking kind words about him to others.

4. Trust him with the kids. Seriously. Show him that you know that he is an intelligent grown man who can care for his own children. He might need to know a couple of details, but he doesn't need a 2 page list of step-by-step instructions on caring for the kids for a couple of hours. Dad may do things completely differently, but let him be the Dad.

3. Make yourself presentable. We all have those days that we don't shower because we aren't going anywhere and we'll just be cleaning the house. But take a few minutes to clean yourself up before your husband comes home. Trade the sweatpants for jeans. If you didn't wash your hair, just throw on a baseball cap and a little lip gloss. It doesn't take much to show him that you want to look nice for him. If you need a little help in this area I am loving this blog that has quick fashion tips for moms. She features easy ways to look great in a hurry.

2. Meet his physical needs. My husband's primary love language is physical touch while mine is not. It's a real stretch sometimes for me to want to cuddle and kiss and hug and ... all the time. But I know that physical contact is what he needs from me.

1. Cut him some slack. I've written about it before, and Sandra wrote about it yesterday, but I can't say it enough. Love = Grace. Always. You can't have one without the other. Recognize the wonderful things he does and the sweet things that he says. And overlook the ugliness. We all act in ways that we shouldn't and I sure hope Tim overlooks my bad behavior some days!

*I'm going to have to add Be willing to apologize to my list. I was annoyed with my husband the whole time I was writing this because he was fixing dinner, but not the way I would have fixed it. (Never mind being thankful that he was cooking dinner AND watching the boys while I was writing.) Ummm...yeah. Good job showing grace, Alicia. Thankfully, he is a wonderfully gracious man himself. I say all this to remind our our readers that we are often writing to ourselves with posts like these. I can't speak for the other girls, but I don't have it all figured out yet! Thanks for joining us on our journey though.

Choosing to Do Him Good

Our inspiration behind this week's post is Proverbs 31:10-12, "Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life."

What an awesome challenge to wives! To do our husbands good. This could include a hundred different practical things. It influences our attitude, our decisions, our time-management- so many areas of our daily lives.

I'll be the first to admit that I don't always have my husband's good at the top of my list. I don't intentionally choose to do evil, but my selfishness and laziness are hindrances. It would do my husband good for me to have all the laundry done and put away before it's time for us to get in bed. But, instead I watch American Idol and put off finishing the laundry. Then I just forget until we walk into the bedroom and find the bed covered in wrinkled clothes.

But this post isn't to share with you all the ways I don't do my best (thanks goodness!). Today I want to talk about the practical ways I show my husband how much I love him.

First, I pay attention to what his interests are and get involved. He likes basketball, so I may look on ESPN.com and find out the score of a big game so we can talk about it. I try to learn more about basketball so we can have intelligent conversations about it. He's always impressed when we watch a game together and I talk about the full court press or agree with him about a traveling foul. And it's not limited to sports, we talk often about theological issues and current events. If I see something on-line that I think he would be interested in, I read it for us to talk about later.

The second area I show my husband love concerns his job as a preacher. I keep up with his appointments and meetings. I plan our meals around his schedule. If he has a meeting at 7:00pm, he usually comes home for lunch but not dinner. So I cook a big lunch and make sure he has food for later too. Because he does a lot of counseling and "putting out fires," I try to be sensitive to the emotional demands of his day. It's a hard job to share the burdens and problems of a congregation. Sometimes he wants to talk about it. Sometimes he wants to be quiet and just think. I'm learning to read the signs and anticipate what his needs may be.

When he preaches, I am an active listener. I know on the way home from church he will ask my opinion. I make sure to start with the positive, and when appropriate, we talk about improvements. For example, a couple years ago he was working on the invitation at the end of the service. I paid special attention so we could talk through what was clear and what he may want to work on. Because I was an English major and teacher, I help him by proof reading his sermon notes and power points. These are a few ways I help him in his job.

Finally, and the hardest for me, I show him grace. This is really something I've been convicted about lately. I find myself being harder on him than anyone else in my life. He unloads the dishwasher, but doesn't put the knives in the right place. He takes the trash out on his way to work, but doesn't put a new trash bag in the trash can. Instead of focusing on what isn't perfect, I show him grace and love. I am so thankful for all the things he does around the house and for me and our boys. He's so helpful I sometimes take that for granted. I forget that not all husbands change so many diapers or miss a Sunday afternoon nap so their wives can have time on the computer!

Proverbs 21:9 says, "Better to dwell on a corner of a roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife." I don't want my husband to run to the roof! I want to make our home a place where he knows he is loved. I want our marriage to reflect the grace we have received (and continue to receive!) from God. Each practical way I love him takes effort on my part. It takes prayer and the help of the Holy Spirit. But it is worth it to know that my husband can trust me and trust my love for him!

This Week

This week our topic is Practical Ways to Show Your Husband Love. Whether you've been married five months or thirty years, we can all use encouragement in this area! As always, please feel free to interact with our ideas (and give some of your own!) in the comments.

Our guest post will be from Beth at Just Me and the Boys.

image source: yotung

Our Love Story

Our love story began on May 4, 1994, that wasn’t the day my husband and I met, it wasn’t the day we got engaged or even the day of our wedding, rather it was the day my husband came to know the Lord Jesus in a real and personal way.

My husband James and I met in July of 1987 shortly after my graduation from high school. I was 18 years old and preparing for college. James was 19 years old and had recently been stationed aboard a ship in Norfolk. We spent that first evening together talking until the wee hours of the morning about our upbringings, our families, our plans for the future, our hopes dreams and visions, and over apple juice, we even mentioned marriage on the night of our introduction.

Nine days after we met, James arrived at my front door to pick me up for a date (on time of course) with a beautiful engagement ring and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. I was so smitten, and he was the most charming, near perfect man I had ever met. We became engaged on July 18, 1987. Much to our families dismay, we began wedding plans and set the date for the following April.

Just after beginning my first semester of college, and our first official deployment as a couple, we began having issues with our families and their disapproval of our various wedding plans, some issues were minor, some were major, but they were all stressful. James and I decided moving in together would satisfy many of their concerns and give us the much needed time we were lacking, so we began living together in November of 1987. Yes, the math adds up….just 4 short months after we met.

My family (believe it or not, but it is true) at this point began to wager bets as to how long we would stay together, if we would get married, and how long the marriage would last. Being the youngest of the family, I decided I would show them all, and on January 4, 1988 when James arrived home from work, I told him to shower and get ready as we had to be at the courthouse by 5:00 pm to pick up our marriage license and we had a 7:00 pm appointment with the Justice of the Peace to be married. I had made all of the preparations, the necessary arrangements, and had even purchased our wedding bands previously that day.

Yes, that is how our marriage began, just the two of us. We eloped and although I do not regret marrying James (not even for a moment), what I do regret is not having the honor of walking down the aisle on my fathers arm.

I wish I could tell you that is the end of the story, and we have lived happily ever after, but truly; it was just the beginning of a beautiful journey. The first seven years of our marriage were difficult. We had our first child before we had our first anniversary, college was put on hold and the deployments were numerous. We were literally separated more than we were together, often times due to military obligation, other times out of shear desperation or self preservation.

In May of 1991, James took orders to a ship in Jacksonville, Florida and the decision had to be made, would we stay together or was this the end?

Once again, it was just the two of us (with our oldest in toe), and we were off to Florida. Still the deployments were numerous, and still our relationship struggled, but there was something different….James and I began to attend church with a neighbor and the journey continued. By now, the bets were all lost from my family and our marriage had actually outlived its expectancy. God had a plan.

For three years we attended church, struggled Monday through Saturday, but attended church. We were in a wonderful young married couple’s class where my husband began to be mentored by father-like figures he had never had and began to hear the truth of God’s Word and His plan for marriage, he would tell you, “I was often taken to the wood shed during that class”. But it was changing his life and touching his heart.

James began to soften and change before my very eyes. It was as though the charming young man I fell so deeply in love with was growing into a man while I looked on. His priorities changed, his attitude changed, his love for me changed; and on May 4, 1994, sitting in our living room with one of those men who had taken James under his wing and taught him how to be a husband and a man after God’s own heart, his heart was changed. My husband came to know the Lord Jesus. As James would tell you, “I nailed it to the cross that night”. He not only surrendered his life to Jesus, he surrendered our marriage to Him.

That was the day our true love story began, from that point on, there was no use of the word divorce, there was no thought of separation, the walls of isolation and desperation began to crumble, and I was introduced to God by my husband. It was as though I was living with Him. James began asking me to pray with him, he took the lead of our home spiritually, and he showed me what God’s love truly looked like. James encouraged me to draw near to God, he encouraged me to seek God, and he taught me how to love God by loving me.

Our journey has continued and this past January we celebrated 21 years of marriage. Each day, I learn more about God as I live with my husband. I learn of God’s patience, I learn of God’s mercy, I learn of God’s love. James inspires me to love God.

I thought writing about this topic would be simple, but how can you put into words a love that no words can describe, the love of the Bridegroom for His Bride, the love of my husband for me. Thank you!

Tracie is a wife to retired Navy husband and mom to five beautiful blessings from College to Kindergarten. She loves to serve the Lord in and out of her home and desires to be God's light of encouragement to whomever God places in her path.

Third Time's A Charm

Ben and I met in middle school...on the bus. We signed each other’s yearbooks in eighth grade, but we didn’t have much more contact after that. He said we had chemistry class together in 1995, but I don’t remember. I did, however, make an impression on him!
In 2000, I was back in my hometown teaching Spanish at a middle school. I got a phone call from the front desk saying Ben M. was here to see me. The name sounded familiar, so I said to send him to my room. He came during my worst class and I met him in the hallway…for about 2 minutes. Kids were literally pressing their faces into the window and pounding on the door while I was in the hall, so I needed to get back in there! I later found out that he had planned his whole Spring Break around coming back to see me.
After he left, I felt bad that it was such a short time, so I looked him up on the Tech website and found his phone number and left him a message. He got it after a long drive back to Lubbock. This started our friendship…or so I thought! He thought we were more and I just wanted to be friends (on my terms). He later wrote me a letter and said that he had been praying one night about his future wife and thinking through the girls he had known, but my name kept coming up. (At the time of the letter, I thought he was crazy.)
Needless to say, we went our own ways after about a year and a half. He moved to Dallas and got a job with an architecture firm. I moved to Mexico and dated other people, but while living there I constantly thought of him has the guy who would be perfect for me (and my family LOVED him).
Upon returning to Dallas, I had e-mailed him a few times and mentioned that we should get together. He was really cautious, since I had been so rude to him before, but he said we could meet at Pappasito’s. We had a good time with great conversation (and he looked super cute in a snap shirt). I graciously let him pay for both of us, which I later found out drove him crazy since he didn’t want to start dating me!
We talked a few times and e-mailed a few times during the next week. The next Sunday, I called him at home and he asked, “Why did you call me?” At this point, I knew we needed to DTR. We then met at the start of August at Café Brazil and I had to apologize for how I had previously treated him and tell him that I’d like to start dating him with hopes of looking at marriage. (This was very humbling for me, but I had to do it--he told me he wouldn't have dated me if I had not said what I did.) We then dated and constantly talked about our future together, realizing that we had so many things in common (my eyes were finally opened).
For Christmas, we headed to Houston to have an early Christmas celebration with my family. He had made a plan with my mom to have our Christmas Eve dinner at lunch, which I didn’t know about. After lunch, everyone headed out to a random place and he came and asked me to go to a park with him. There, he led me into the woods and “discovered” a package—a picture of us that he had buried the day before. I was NOT dressed up and we then went to a nice Mexican restaurant where we were serenaded with “Besame Mucho”. I knew something was up and kept looking around for my family! Then we left and went to The Woodlands where we had a horse-drawn carriage ride. We then walked to the Christmas tree and he had brought a gift. It had a teddy bear in it with a nice letter written to me. The bear was holding a sack filled with pink Starbursts and a pewter heart that opened. Inside was my ring (that he designed on his own)! He dropped to one knee and proposed (with teenagers staring at us in the background). It was so romantic, but I kept looking for my family—who really wasn’t around! When we returned to the house, we told the story and took one (really bad) picture in front of the refrigerator.
We got married June 17, 2006 with family and friends all around. It was my dream wedding (although it did feel like we were actors up on a stage), complete with mariachis! We had a wonderful surprise (to me) honeymoon in Costa Rica. In September, we welcomed our son, Dietrich and look forward to having more children in the future.
I am so amazed how God brought us together at just the right time and gave both of us a desire to marry someone just like the other (we compared our list of qualities of our future mate before beginning to date). We have come so far in the past 2 and a half years and we look forward to where God will lead us and how we will grow to love Him and each other more through the years.

What's Your Real Name?

JD and I met at the end of the summer of 1997. I was currently working for Pine Cove Christian Camps, where he had worked the summer before. His girlfriend at the time was working with me and he came to help "tear down" summer camp to get ready for conference season. That summer was only introductions.

The next summer we both were working at Pine Cove again. I was a counselor for 2nd-5th graders and he was the work crew director (in charge of kitchen staff and maintenance). Once every five weeks counselors rotated out of the cabin and onto work crew. During my week on work crew I was able to get to know him more. I was friends with his girlfriend (the same one from the previous summer) as well. One day I remember it was just the two of us in the kitchen talking. He talked about said girlfriend often and I vividly remember the discussion of marriage between the two of them coming up in our conversation. Because he was seriously in a relationship with one of my friends, I never once felt attracted to him, but I remember thinking I wanted to marry a man just like him. He loved the Lord and it was very obvious in all he did. After that summer I did not keep up with him. I had no idea what was going on with him. It was just a work crew friendship.

Fast forward to the next summer-- I worked at camp again, with the same girlfriend. I found out through the grapevine that they had broken up sometime during the last school year. I felt sad for her since I thought they were a match made in heaven. Obviously not.

Stand-by, Inersha, Loko, Walpaper, Tomahawk

Here is where I will educate you on the camp name. Pine Cove staff, during orientation week, "names" all of the new staff. It's just more fun to have a name that is not your birth name, plus it allows the campers to respect you without calling you "Ms. KLee". How boring. JD's name given to him in '96 was Tomahawk. My given name in '97 was Walpaper. We each had to go on stage and answer questions about who we are, where we go to school, most embarrassing moment, etc. How we got our names could seriously be another post in itself, so I will spare you.

One of our mutual friends, whom I had worked with in '98 and JD, I mean Tomahawk, had gone to college/Bible study with is Inersha. Inersha and Tomahawk were accountability partners during the 98-99 school year, meeting on Tuesday nights. Inersha is a great guy who happened to call all the PC staff on their birthdays to wish them happy birthday wishes and to catch up. My birthday in 1998 was on a Tuesday night. He called like a loyal friend. During our conversation it came up that he was actually meeting with Tomahawk for their weekly accountability time. Somehow (God ordained I am sure) I was on the phone with Tomahawk getting to know him since I didn't talk to him more than small talk that one week during the summer. The conversation ended after talking for 45 minutes.

After that initial conversation we talked on IM (remember that AOL time waster? Kinda like Facebook today!) and continued to get to know each other more. At some point in time he mentioned going hunting. I said something about my grandmother being a hunter and I would love to do it sometime. So, he invited me up one weekend in September. I was shocked, but accepted. At this point it would be so fun to say I was in like with this boy, but I wasn't. We were just friends. I drove FOUR HOURS to go hunting with a group of his friends. Crazy, I know. I didn't call my mom to tell her until I was parked in front of his house. She flipped because I didn't know his last name (now that I have a daughter I know why). I assured her he was not some freak I met on the internet, but a great lovin' the Lord kind of guy. He had moved back home to finish school and when I rang the doorbell and met his mom for the first time, he introduced me and said, "Mom, this is Walpaper...what's your real name?"

That weekend was fun to hang out with his friends and actually go hunting, to soccer games, and watch a movie. It wasn't until I got in my car to go home that I realized there was something more to this guy than just a friend. We officially started dating in October and realized after about 6 weeks that there would be a wedding in the near future! He proposed the next August (1999) by writing (and playing and singing) a song about our relationship. Priceless! We were married in March 2001 (Yes, Inersha was in our wedding for those of you wondering).

We have been through many challenges in our near 8 years together--school, moving across the country, miscarriage, but with challenges there are also joys--being in ministry together, stepping out in faith when the Lord leads, and also children! I am so thankful for the man God has allowed me to share life with. He is my strength, my life partner, and the love of my life!

From Student Councils to Submarines...

Our story is as much about the love our Heavenly Father has for us as it is about our love for each other. I believe our marriage is proof that God is faithful and brought us together for His purposes. While we have a very happy life together, I don’t believe that marriage is about happiness at all. Marriage is about holiness. It's one of the ways God shapes us into the image of His Son.

Our story starts at camp, Student Council Camp June 1995. (I know you are already thinking, “Wow. They are so cool.”) I had just arrived at Angelo State University, checked in and was carrying my luggage upstairs to my room. Who is standing at the elevators? Tim Williamson. He was super skinny and had on a Christian t-shirt. We introduced ourselves on the way up and got to be friends that week. Fast forward 1 year to StuCo Camp 1996. Once again, we were friends all week and I devised a plan to keep in touch. We all had a plastic star on yarn that we wore around our neck that week with our name on it. Every time you gave someone a hug you traded stars. By the end of the week, you’d traded dozens of times and the last name you ended up with on the last day of camp you were supposed to keep in touch with. I ended up with Tim’s name about halfway through the last day of camp and decided I would conveniently “lose” my star so I didn’t have to trade it anymore. (Such trickery, right?)
For 3 and half years we hardly kept in touch, maybe an email once a year or a phone call over Christmas break. Tim was at Rice University and I attended John Brown in Arkansas. We had very different college experiences. In fact, I believe whole-heartedly that God protected us from each other at that point in our lives. One weekend in the summer of 2001 I was in Houston and called Tim. We spent the evening together. He took me to see the Rice campus, to dinner and to cute park. He even introduced me to Lynn. And then forgot to tell me that Lynn was his girlfriend!

Thankfully, Lynn broke up with Tim that October. It was the same week I mailed him a letter. He called to thank me for it and just kept calling. Pretty soon we were talking every night. Then it was New Year's in Charleston. Valentine's Day in Dallas. And Spring Break in New York. (He moved a lot!) He got orders to his first submarine in Norfolk, VA. He asked me to consider moving there on a day I happened to be mad at my principal. Turns out Norfolk is very close to Virginia Beach, where I had a college acquaintance looking for a roommate.

I packed up my little red Civic and drove to Virginia to live with a "friend of a friend." God had provided a teaching job that was a perfect fit for my background in remediation and learning differences. A week before my parents were arriving with my furniture my roommate backed out and I was left to find an apartment all by myself. But once again, God provided one just a short distance from where Tim would be living. (Oh, I didn't mention that he asked me to move before he was ever living in Virginia?)

Tim asked me to marry him over Christmas break unofficially. ("Let's do this." Real romantic, right?) He asked my father for his blessing and proposed officially in January with a beautiful ring. We spent the next months planning a wedding with him at sea. (He recommends this arrangement for all grooms-to-be.) September 6, 2003 we were married in Plano, Texas in a fairy tale wedding surrounded by friends and family.

He left one month later for his first 6 month deployment. Our first year of marriage he missed every holiday except for July 4th. It definitely wasn't an easy way to begin a life together, but God has blessed us with an amazing few years on shore duty together. We were fortunate to have both our sons while Tim was home and able to be an active part of their lives. And we have now survived our first time at sea since having children. Reflecting on this patrol has made me realize just how much God has grown us in our marriage over the last 5 years. I ached every day he was gone for the intimacy we now have with one another. The way he knows what I'm thinking by the pause in my voice and the grin on my face and the way I know the exact commentary he will have on any movie, tv show or sermon before he ever opens his mouth.

I love two things about our love story. I love that it's a picture of God's faithfulness in our lives to complete the work that He started. And I love that it's not over. When I see how far we've come since 1995 I can't wait to see where we are going.

Getting Past First Impressions

Lee and I met at the end of July, 2002. I had just moved to North Carolina to attend seminary and teach. Prior to arriving in North Carolina that hot day, I had driven from Bakersfield, California to Denver, Colorado to help my parents move. Then my dad and I drove to Dallas, Texas to pick up my stuff and move it to North Carolina. To say that I was happy to be out of the car would be an understatement. To say that I was probably not looking my best would also be an understatement! But my new boss (Dr. Sifers) had asked the high school history teacher/ basketball coach to stop by and help us unload the U-Haul. I couldn't even remember his name because Dr. Sifers kept calling him "Coach."

Lee and I saw each other often at school and spent time getting to know each other. We bonded over our mutual love of candy corn. I volunteered to work the concession stand our school ran at the North Carolina State football games because he asked me to. I was always careful not to seem interested, because I didn't want him to feel pressure to ask me out. In fact, one afternoon he hung out in my classroom while I was redoing my bulletin board. I mentioned that I didn't want to date while in seminary so I could focus on my classes.

But, when you're around high school and middle school students all day every day, eventually they notice there might be something more than friendship happening. My teacher's aid Jenny was the serious girl friend of Lee's roommate Matt. Eventually, she convinced Lee to ask me out. Our first date was a NC State football game, dinner back at my apartment, and watching "A Walk to Remember." That was mid-November. By our second date I knew I was in love. In January he came out to meet my family, who lived in Colorado.

The week of Valentine's Day Lee walked around with a lump in his pocket and seemed nervous all the time. One afternoon, during the last period of the day, he knocked on my classroom door and asked if I could talk to him outside. I got someone else to watch my kids (you just don't leave 22 8th graders alone!) and we stepped outside. As we turned the corner, he had his basketball team lined up with signs that said, "Will U Marry Me?" He got down on his knee, asked me to marry him, and of course I said yes!

We set the wedding date for Oct. and got busy planning the wedding and our lives together. Once I found the dress (I borrowed it from my cousin), we decided to move the wedding to July. We got married at the seminary chapel. The air conditioner was broken, so it was really hot by 6:30, but it seemed perfect to me. Of course, I wasn't wearing a tux!

Lee started seminary too that fall, so we were teaching full time, in seminary full time, and getting adjusted to married life together! I remember a lot of bad dinners but a really clean house! (Amazing how clean it stays when you're rarely home!)

That was five years, four job changes, and six moves ago! The dinners are getting better, the house keeps getting messier, and our family has gotten bigger! I can't wait to see what else God has planned for our lives together!

This Week

This week we are going to share our love stories with you! It's going to be fun to remember the details of those first dates, the engagement, wedding planning, and beyond! We hope you enjoy it too!

Our guest post will be from Tracie, who has written for us before. She will write about her love story with her husband, and how that love has deepened her love for God.

Show and Tell

We hope you enjoyed reading the recipes for our sweets this week! We can't wait to see what you are making for your sweetie this Valentine's Day. Click here if you need instructions on Mr. Linky. Please create a link back to this post, and feel free to post the button above on your site.

Chocolate Souffle

When my husband and I were on our honeymoon in Costa Rica, we ate at a fancy outdoor restaurant our last night. As a treat, we had dessert (we never have dessert out and he NEVER eats dessert--including his own birthday cake last week). It was a chocolate souffle and it was SO yummy! When we got home, I found this "easy" recipe (which is slightly modified).

1/3 cup sugar plus additional for sprinkling
5 oz. bittersweet chocolate (not unsweetened), chopped
3 large egg yolks at room temperature
6 large egg whites

Accompaniment: ice cream!
Special equipment: 4 ramekins

1. Preheat oven to 375. Generously butter ramekins and sprinkle with sugar, knocking out excess.

2. Melt chocolate in a bowl (I used the microwave) until smooth. Stir in yolks (mixture will stiffen).

3. Beat whites with a pinch of salt in a large bowl with an electric mixer at meduim speed until they just hold soft peaks. Add 1/3 cup sugar, a little at a time, continuing to beat at medium speed, then beat at high speed until whites just hold stiff peaks. Stir about 1 cup whites into chocolate mixture to lighten, then add mixture to remaining whites, folding gently but thoroughly.

4. Spoon into ramekins and run the end of your thumb around the inside edge of each dish so it will rise evenly. Bake in the middle of the oven until puffed and crusted on top but still jiggly in the center--24-26 minutes. Serve immediately.

Note: Souffle can be assembled up to 30 minutes before baking. Keep covered with an inverted large bowl (do not let bowl touch souffle) at room temperature.

I've only made this one time, but it was so good when I did! Maybe I need to try it again!

Oreo Surprise

February is a busy month in our home. JD's birthday is the 2nd, Valentine's Day is the 14th, and LilE's birthday is the 15th. A few years ago I started making JD's birthday cakes, depending on what he wanted. This year he wanted Oreo Surprise. It is a super tasty ice cream cake. It makes a lot, so this year I halved the recipe for our family of 3 (below is the full recipe).

Oreo Surprise

Small pkg Oreos, crushed
1 stick butter, melted
1 gallon vanilla ice cream, divided. Blue Bell is the BEST!
1 jar chocolate fudge
8 oz Cool Whip

Mix crushed Oreos and melted butter. Press into 9x13 dish and freeze.
On top of crust add ½ gallon vanilla ice cream. Spread chocolate fudge over ice cream. Add another ½ gallon ice cream over fudge. Top with Cool Whip and crushed Oreos. Store in freezer.

Oatmeal Carmelitas

Key Lime Pie is my husband's absolute favorite dessert, but since he's at sea I didn't think I needed to eat a whole one all by myself. So I made his next favorite dessert. It's a relatively new recipe to us. I only found it this past summer, but they are amazing! You can find the original Southern Living recipe here. These cookies are very rich, so they are perfect for cutting small and taking to a potluck or a friend. And they freeze like a dream so you can eat a few and freeze the rest, which is what I did with this batch. When Tim comes home in a few weeks my Sweetie will have a Sweet!

Oatmeal Carmelitas

2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups uncooked quick-cooking oats
1 1/2 cups firmly packed light brown sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup butter, melted
1 (12-oz.) package semisweet chocolate morsels
1/2 cup chopped pecans or walnuts, toasted (optional)
1 (14-oz.) package caramels
1/3 cup half-and-half

1. Stir together first 5 ingredients in a large mixing bowl. Add butter, stirring until mixture is crumbly. (I like to use my mixer because it's easier and faster.) Reserve half of mixture (about 2 3/4 cups). (It's better to put a little extra in the bottom of the pan rather than have extra crumbs for the topping. If you have too much for the top the bars become very messy to eat - still tasty but messy!) Press remaining half of mixture into bottom of a lightly greased 13- x 9-inch pan. Sprinkle evenly with chocolate morsels, and, if desired, pecans. (I have used pecans, but they don't make much of an impact in such a rich bar. I love pecans, but think they are wasted in this recipe. If you have an inexpensive source for nuts, by all means, add them!)

2. Microwave caramels and half-and-half in a microwave-safe bowl at MEDIUM (50% power) 3 minutes. Stir and microwave at MEDIUM 1 to 3 more minutes or until mixture is smooth. Let stand 1 minute. Pour evenly over chocolate morsels. Sprinkle evenly with reserved crumb mixture. (I used the Caramel Bits specifically made for baking this time. I've never used them but liked the idea of not having to unwrap each caramel. They worked great!)

3. Bake at 350° for 30 minutes or until light golden brown. Cool in pan on a wire rack. Cut into bars.

4. Enjoy with your Sweetie!