I have been dreading this post today. Not because I don't love loving on my man - I do. In fact, normally I'd love this kind of topic. But I spent a lot of time this weekend thinking about this post and feeling sorry for myself that Tim's away at sea. After quite a long and dramatic pity party, I found myself convicted about the ways I usually show love to my husband. How much time I do waste NOT loving my husband when he is home with me? I first thought I'd write about some practical tips for showing him kindness and love, but the more I tried to come up with some good idea, the more I was convicted. It doesn't matter how elaborate my plans are or how sacrificial I am in the things that I do for Tim if I follow them up with destructive words.
Practically speaking, I could spend hours preparing an elaborate dinner that he loves, but what happens if he's delayed at work and comes home later than planned? I complain about his tardiness and how he's ruined my plans for "spoiling him." Suddenly loving him has become all about me. Do you think he's going to remember how delicious that dinner was? Or is the taste left in his mouth going to be bitter from my harsh words and selfish attitude?
I can think of so many times that I put all my effort into planning something for him to show him how much I love him, only to destroy all of it in a moment with a prideful attitude and ugly words. I even go so far as to dress it up as "constructive criticism" or being "honest about my feelings". While it's fantastic to do things for Tim, it's even more important to speak words that are edifying and gracious. One of our functions in marriage is to show unmerited grace to one another like the Grace that was shown to us by Christ on the cross. Do the words that I speak to and about my husband tend toward showing him that grace? Or have I made loving my spouse all about me and the ways I want to show him love?
I challenge you to consider your speech this week as a way to love your spouse. What can you say to him to encourage him and lift him up?
Ryan's love language is definately "words of affirmation". I know he wants to hear how I feel about him, even when I just want to show him. Good post girlfriend!
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