But moving as a grown up is a little different. I used to imagine our life in the Navy would be an adventure and I would have all kinds of friends in all kinds of places. And it is and I do. But it's not quite as fun and exciting as I thought it would be. Rather, it's challenging and exhausting. Not only do you have the challenge of moving a household and your entire life every couple of years, but you get to find a new church and a new circle of friends. It might not sound that daunting but I find it to be quite overwhelming at times, especially when I consider that we will probably be starting over again somewhere else in another 18 months.
Nevertheless, I know that I need "Girl Time" in my life. I adore my husband and my sons, but there are times I just need to be around other adults. So, I push past my fears and my reservations and try to make some friends. I join clubs of interest like our military spouse support groups. I attend social functions like book club. I find ways to serve in the community and the church. It's not easy, but I know that God has called us to be here. I believe that He is sovereign and that He has placed us here for a purpose. And I'm pretty sure it's not to stay locked inside my house being driven crazy by two young children.
As hard as it is to put myself out there and make new friends, I know that it's what I need to do. I can't be the wife and mother I need to be if hole myself up in my house and never go out. I can't minister to others if I never spend time with them. And I can't be ministered to if I never allow myself to be known. Every where we go, I need a little silver. And sometimes when we leave, I'll take some gold. I guess the girl scouts have given me more than great cookies.
Do you find it hard to make new friends? What advice do you have for women who do move a lot and are faced with the challenge of fitting into a new community?
We moved a lot when I was growing up ... and now as a pastor's wife, moving is always a reality in our life. I guess for me, the key is making myself available. It's so easy to "pull in" to ourselves when we are in a new situation but just having a smile and being willing to engage someone else in a conversation makes such a huge difference!
ReplyDeleteI think getting invovled in a church, especially a small group, Sunday school class, etc., is a great way to meet new people. Even before we were full time ministry, church is where we met our close friends. If the church you attend does not have small groups or Bible studies available, there might be other churches in the area who welcome anyone in to be apart. We have a Mom to Mom (www.momtomom.org)group that includes moms from all over the community.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, Alicia! I remember that song from Girl Scouts too. Do you know the second verse? "The circle is round. It does not end. That's how long I want to be your friend." :) I have written before about meetup.com and it's a way I've been able to connect with other moms in our area. It has really been a life saver for those days I just really wanted to get out and wanted to be with others. There are all kind of groups on there--hobbies, mom groups, language groups, etc. It's great and some are free. Mine is $13 a year--well worth it!!
ReplyDeletewow i so need it to read this you probably dont know me but i was going thrue Indi blog and i saw this and i read it i can so relate too this because iam in the same position but as i read this it open my eyes to what i should be doing thx alot
ReplyDeleteWow...this is so relevant. As a military spouse myself, I'm already preparing for our move next summer. We get to stay in one place longer than you do in the Navy (my husband is in the CG), it is still stressful. We are putting in our dream sheet soon and know that no matter where we go, GOD is sending us there. It helps some, but it's still stressful to move with two toddlers and find a place to live and a new church and and and. Thanks for the reminder on the song too. I'll have to teach that to my toddlers.
ReplyDeleteoh alicia. i adore that song/saying and have carried it with me throughout life as well. this was a great post!
ReplyDeleteWe just moved 4 1/2 hrs away from the place I'd lived for 28 of 31 years. And I found the most fabulous thing! It's www.meetups.com. I found a mommy group in the new town, and had my first playdate with them yesterday. It's a private group, so I requested to join and then went on a trial playdate. Since I didn't try to steal anyone's children, they gave me access to the group so I can see all of the events & member profiles. It's like a mini-Facebook on there. They have quite a few activities set, from meeting at the park to a mom's night out. They have a message board so people can share info or ask questions, swap kid items or recipes. But it's all private so you have to be given access to the group to see it. I met some really nice women & my girls had fun with their kids. So now I'm looking forward to more get togethers!
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