There are little things that can cause big problems in marriage, if we let them. I grew up with two blond headed sisters. Our bathroom was always clean. You can't really see blond hair in the tub, around the sink, or on the floor. My husband has black hair. Black hair in the tub, around the sink, and on the floor.Our first year of marriage we had separate bathrooms so this didn't bother me. Our second year of marriage we only had one bathroom. So not only did we share, but anyone who came over to the parsonage shared with us too. So I felt like I was constantly cleaning the bathroom. And of course, it wasn't my mess, it was his.
Elisabeth Elliot has this advice from her husband in Love Had a Price Tag, (quoted in Feminine Appeal), "A wife, if she is very gracious, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectation. There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much. She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy."
What a difference this idea has had in my marriage! It's still an on-going lesson. You can probably tell that since I've written about it before. Patience, grace, and forgiveness are big ways I can show my husband I love him.
Last weekend I had a few women over for a book club and we were discussing the little quirks about our husbands that we would change if we could. When I talked about Lee's dark hair in the bathroom, the woman beside me said, "Well, eventually it will be gray and you won't be able to see it anymore!" Her humorous comment made a big impression on me. Why waste my time grumbling about such trivial matters? Why continue to focus on the 20% when there's 80% (or even more!) that I enjoy?
So the main lesson I've learned in our almost six years of marriage is to focus on the 80%, forget about the 20%, and just enjoy my husband 100%!
image source: marianne.leiber
Thank you. I needed to hear that today. I've been focusing on that 20 percent today and I need to let it go.
ReplyDeleteOoh - I have also been a "20 percenter" for too long! Thank you for the eye opener. I am going to make a big effort to appreciate the 80% instead!
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